What is Sexuality

Sexuality is about the ways we experience intimacy and emotional-physical togetherness.

Our sexuality is the most complex dimension of human personality. It grows from seeds present in our DNA at conception, and yet it is shaped by our environment already in the womb. It shows glimpses in some of our earlier years, but it buds and then blossoms around adolescence. Then it blooms repeatedly and sometimes surprisingly in every season of the year and every season of life.

Sexuality is a classic interaction of nature and nurture: inborn and yet highly individual; very much learned and yet prone to evolve. Sexuality is the most universal human experience across all cultures and yet the most diverse – not only from culture to culture but also from individual to individual.

Who are we attracted to – and why? How do we express that attraction? What is normal to feel, to experience, to desire? Why does the sexual impulse arise and why does it sometimes go dormant? Questions like these have fascinated human beings since the beginnings of time. Philosophers have eagerly given us their answers for thousands of years. So have parents, peers, priests, rabbis – and even the occasional mother-in-law.

Scientists have given us their own answers for a little over a hundred years, but many of their once-authoritative pronouncements turned out to be incorrect. Verifiable, reproducible, reliable scientific research into sexuality began only decades ago. Some of the results were met at first by outrage and disbelief. Today we know to a scientific certainty some things about sex that our grandparents did not, but there is much that remains mysterious.

And still today there is no aspect of human existence more awash in misinformation and mistaken folklore. In fact we are bombarded from an early age with images, expectations, rules, attitudes, generalizations, warnings, and (usually) well-meant guidance that often have no foundation in fact, human nature, or genuine morality.

So it's not surprising that many of us don't feel we're finally "getting it right" until a decade or more into adulthood. And even then, with maturity comes self-questioning. The game changes with each new season of life and we may find ourselves rethinking old certainties.

When we are young, we tend to assume that everyone our own age experiences sexuality (and life in general) through the same lenses we do ourselves. From there it is easy to assume that we all will want more-or-less the same things in the same way, and that our own needs and preferences will be self-evident to others. These youthful assumptions could not be farther from the truth. Much of being a good life partner (and a good sex partner) consists of learning to recognize, nurture, communicate, and interact with the individuality (i.e. different-ness) of each other, and to express our own individuality in constructive and mutually enjoyable ways.

Sexual growth is about finding overlap between our separate needs and desires while being open to evolve into new patterns of expression and response.

My role as a sex therapist is to lead you to insights, mutual recognition, and constructive interaction. This involves self-discovery, partner-discovery, and growing your capability to give and to receive, to enjoy new experiences and to enjoy old experiences in new ways.